Aug 27| When Taking Care of Everyone Else Is Killing You: A Fresh Look at Martha, Mary, and Your Overwhelming Life
You haven't had a real conversation with God in three weeks. Not because you don't want to—but because between getting kids to practice, keeping food in the fridge, managing everyone's schedules, and trying to keep your marriage from becoming a business partnership... when exactly?
If this sounds like your life, you're not alone. And surprisingly, you're in good company with a biblical woman who felt the exact same way 2,000 years ago.
The Martha and Mary Story That Nobody Tells You
We've all heard the story from Luke chapter 10. Martha bustles around preparing for guests while her sister Mary sits at Jesus' feet. Martha complains, Jesus gently corrects her, and every sermon ends with "Don't be like Martha! Choose the better part like Mary!"
But wait. Let me tell you something that might make you angry, then set you free: Martha was right.
Before you close this article, hear me out. Jesus shows up at Martha's house unannounced with at least twelve hungry men. Probably more. This is first-century Palestine—no DoorDash, no refrigerator full of leftovers, no grocery store down the street. Someone has to prepare food. Someone has to arrange sleeping quarters. Someone has to be the responsible adult.
Martha does what somebody has to do. She serves. She manages. She takes responsibility.
And Mary? She just... sits.
The Greek Word That Changes Everything
Here's where the story gets interesting. Look at verse 40: "Martha was distracted by all the preparations." The Greek word used here—'perispao'—reveals something profound. It doesn't simply mean "busy." It literally means "dragged around in circles."
Feel that in your gut for a moment. You're not just doing tasks—you're being yanked from one crisis to another:
"Mom, where's my uniform?"
"Honey, what's for dinner?"
"Can you pick up an extra shift?"
"The kids need you to..."
"Your mother called, she needs help with..."
You're not living; you're being lived by everyone else's needs.
Jesus' Response: The Nuance We Miss
Now watch what Jesus doesn't say. He doesn't tell Martha, "Stop serving." He doesn't say her work doesn't matter. Look carefully at verse 41: "Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things."
The problem wasn't the serving. The problem was that serving had become her master.
This distinction changes everything. Jesus isn't promoting laziness or irresponsibility. He's identifying something much deeper—when our identity becomes so wrapped up in meeting everyone else's needs that we lose ourselves entirely.
Even Jesus Said No (And That Should Free You)
Here's a part of the Gospel that might revolutionize how you think about boundaries. In Mark 1:35-37, right after Jesus healed an entire town of sick and demon-possessed people, we find him getting up before dawn to pray alone.
Simon and the others hunt him down: "Everyone is looking for you!"
Sound familiar? Everyone is always looking for you too.
But Jesus' response should stop us in our tracks: "Let us go somewhere else."
The Son of God—infinite love, infinite power, perfect compassion—said no to legitimate needs. To hurting people. To urgent requests.
Why? Because he knew something we forget: You cannot pour from an empty cup.
More importantly, God didn't design you to be everyone's savior. There's already One of those.
The Hidden Cost of Never Stopping
When you never stop, when you never say no, when you're always available, you're not just exhausting yourself. You're teaching your family dangerous lessons:
That their needs always come before everything else - including your relationship with God
That being needed is more important than being whole
That rest is selfish
That spiritual health is a luxury for people with more time
Martha thought Mary was being selfish. But Mary understood something Martha didn't: Sometimes the most loving thing you can do for your family is to stop.
What Your Family Really Needs From You
Let's be honest about what's really happening in our homes. Your kids don't need a parent who does everything. They need a parent who's actually present. When you're physically there but mentally running through tomorrow's to-do list, they feel it.
Your spouse doesn't need a perfect home manager. They need a partner who hasn't lost themselves in the managing. They fell in love with a person, not a family logistics coordinator.
Your aging parents need your love more than your frantic efforts to fix everything.
And you? You need to remember who you are beyond everyone else's needs.
The Practical Challenge: Choosing Mary in a Martha World
I know what you're thinking: "That's nice in theory, but my kids still need to eat. Bills still need paying. Life doesn't stop."
You're absolutely right. But here's my challenge—not forever, just for this week:
Find fifteen minutes in the middle of your day when things need doing, and choose to sit with Jesus instead.
Not at 5 AM before everyone wakes up. Not at midnight when you finally collapse. Fifteen minutes during peak chaos time.
Yes, your kids might eat cereal for dinner one night. Yes, your house might stay messy an extra day. Yes, someone might have to wait for something they want.
That's not just okay—it's necessary.
The Transformation That Follows
You know what happened after Jesus gently corrected Martha? The Bible doesn't say she stopped serving. I bet she still made dinner. But something fundamental shifted.
The next time we see Martha in John 11, when their brother Lazarus dies, she's the one who runs to Jesus first. She learned that connection comes before service, that being comes before doing.
What Would Change If You Chose Differently?
Imagine for a moment:
What would change in your home if you stopped trying to be everyone's savior?
What would your kids learn if they saw you choosing stillness over productivity?
How would your marriage transform if you both remembered that rest isn't laziness?
What would happen to your soul if you remembered that Jesus isn't impressed by your exhaustion?
The Permission You've Been Waiting For
Let me give you the permission you might need to hear: You're not abandoning your family when you take time with God. You're showing them where real strength comes from.
When you model what it looks like to need Jesus more than you need to be needed, you're giving them a gift that will serve them their entire lives. You're showing them that:
It's okay to have limits
Saying no doesn't mean you don't care
Rest is holy, not selfish
Their worth isn't determined by their productivity
A Different Kind of Service
The beautiful irony is that when you choose the "better part" like Mary, you actually become better at serving like Martha. When you serve from a place of fullness rather than emptiness, your service becomes life-giving rather than life-draining.
You move from resentful obligation to joyful choice. From exhausted duty to energized love. From being dragged in circles to walking in purpose.
Your Next Step
So here's my question for you: When was the last time you chose to be Mary? Not when you collapsed from exhaustion, but actually chose it?
This week, experiment with this radical idea: Your family might actually benefit more from seeing you rest in God's presence than from one more perfectly managed day.
They need to see that faith isn't just another item on the to-do list. They need to witness what it looks like when someone says, "Everything else can wait for fifteen minutes while I sit with Jesus."
Because maybe, just maybe, that's the very thing that will keep you from being dragged around in circles. Maybe that's what will transform your serving from burden to blessing.
Martha was right—someone needs to take care of practical needs. But Mary was also right—some things matter more than our endless to-do lists.
The question isn't whether to be Martha or Mary. It's learning when to be which.
And right now, in this overwhelming season of your life, you might need to choose Mary more often than feels comfortable. That's not just okay—it's exactly what Jesus invites you to do.
An Invitation to go Deeper….
If today’s message spoke to you, join the FaithLabz 30-Day Prayer Challenge and strengthen your connection with God’s unshakable love. You are never alone—let’s grow together!
